Texting crime
by Cherish the look of surprise
Summary: All the Sherlock cast have phones. What happens when they use them?
1. Chapter 1

**Heres the first chapter of my new story. Enjoy!**

**I hope...**

**Bx**

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><p><strong>1:57PM<strong>

Hi. Its Molly. You know, from the morgue? -MH

Who gave you my number? -SH

Um... LeStrade... -MH

Desperate. -SH

I'm sorry, what? -MH

I mean, nothing. What did you want? -SH

Somebody left a...paper clip, in the morgue. I was wondering if it was yours. -MH

Did I use a paper clip? -SH

Yes! You did! When you put those papers together I offered you one and you took it. -MH

It was red. -MH

Really? -SH

Yeah. So, I thought you might want to come and pick it up? -MH

Pick it up? -SH

Yes. -MH

A paper clip? -SH

Yes. -MH

Did Anderson put you up to this? -SH

No. I just thought... -MH

Mycroft? Sally? John? -SH

It was John wasn't it. -SH

He just wants people to stop thinking he's gay. -SH

No, wait! -MH

I'll show him. I shall simply snog him in public, then we'll see whether he's gay or not! -SH

Thank you Molly, I couldn't have done it without you. -SH

And thank you for that transparent excuse. I mean, who comes over to pick up a paper clip? -SH

Sorry, must go. John's yelling about "thumb chutney" or something. -SH

**2:04PM**

I asked you because I wanted to see you again. -MH

_Message not sent_

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><p>Molly sighed and put her phone back in her lab coat pocket.<p>

Maybe some lipstick would help...

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><p><strong>So, whaddya think? Have I ruined my track record and should go live in a hole? Is this good but missing the camp amazing-ness that is Jim Moriarty?<strong>

**Whatever you think, review me!**

**Yours cheerily,**

**Bx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Second chapter you guys. Are you as excited as I am?**

**Bx**

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><p><strong>6:28PM<strong>

Did he just lick the body? –GL

Maybe he's testing for poison? –JW

Oh god I hope he's checking for poison. –JW

You and me both John, you and me both. –GL

**6:31PM**

He's glaring at us. He knows we're texting. –JW

We should both stare at him then laugh. It'll screw with his head. -GL

3. 2. 1. GO! –JW

**6:35PM**

WHAT? –SH

Nothing. –JW

Why did you and LeStrade just laugh at me? –SH

No reason. –JW

This is a crime scene, you're not supposed to laugh. –SH

Sherlock, you jump up and down at crime scenes. –JW

Still. –SH

**6:40PM**

What did he say? –GL

He's just pissed because we're not fawning over him. –JW

LOOK! He's pouting! He's actually pouting! –GL

My god, this makes up for every 3AM call I've ever had from him. –GL

Trying to take a photo. Is he looking? Tell me, I need this as my screensaver. –GL

Got it. Annnnnnd….. circulate around Scotland Yard. –GL

Can you send it to me? I want to get a mug with that on. –JW

He wants me to get him tea, he has to have it in that. –JW

:) –GL

:) –JW

**6:47PM**

Wanna go down to the pub after this? –GL

Yeah, Sherlock will just spend the night sulking. –JW

Did you know his record is 2 months? He stopped speaking because we insulted his scarf. –GL

Best time of my life. –GL

I got two weeks because I threw out his thumbs. I thought it was jam….. –JW

I can still taste it. –JW

Right, you need a drink. Lets abandon Mr. Pouty and go to the pub. –GL

Why Greg, I thought you'd never ask. –JW

**9:28PM**

WHO THE HELL TOOK PHOTOS OF ME? –SH

Run LeStrade, RUN! -JW

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><p><strong>Here you are, just 'cause I like you so much. Hope you enjoyed it.<strong>

**Bx**


	3. Chapter 3

**3rd chapter, much appreciation for the reviews!**

**Bx**

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><p><strong>2:02AM<strong>

Love your pout. Thank LeStrade for me. Lets have dinner. -IA

I do not "pout". Besides, it would be breakfast, not dinner. -SH

Fine Mr Pouty, breakfast. In bed? -IA

Don't call me Mr Pouty. -SH

And no, I am conducting a very delicate and important experiment. -SH

You're watching Jeremy Kyle at 2 in the morning. -IA

I've phoned in countless times but they just won't listen. -SH

Aw, poor baby! So, breakfast? -IA

I mean its completely obvious! I'm surprised someone hasn't complained. -SH

Not everyone's a genius darling. Breakfast? -IA

And the cases lately, ugh! -SH

You're trying my patience. -IA

There was actually someone who asked me whether I could find the "seventh horcrux." What on earth is a horcrux? -SH

Breakfast, now. -IA

And someone wanted me to look for their missing twilight box set. IS THE WORLD FULL OF MORONS? -SH

Sherlock... -IA

Oh that's just perfect! We're out of milk! I'll just go and wake up John so he can get some more. -SH

I know you're doing this on purpose. -IA

**2:13AM**

Apparently being "out of milk" is not a good reason to wake some one up at 2 in the morning. -SH

John has bloody good aim with a shoe you know... -SH

Irene? -SH

Oh I'm sorry, did I bore you? -SH

Ah well, till we meet again. -SH

**2:16AM**

10 minutes to break into my flat is fairly impressive. -SH

And the note in lipstick. -SH

Although I do wonder what it is you "borrowed" from me. -SH

I'll be waiting... -SH

**2:20AM**

WHERE THE HELL IS MY SCARF? -SH

Ciao darling! -IA

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><p><strong>And there you have it.<strong>

**Must mention Secret Agent Codename Bob for editing and being all round amazing. Go check out her stories, they're AMAZING!**

**Don't really like Irene so this took a while to write, does it show?**

**Anyway, love you all for being such amazing reviewers!**

**Yours sleepily,**

**Bx**


	4. Chapter 4

**This is the chapter where John and Mycroft get their revenge on Sherlock.**

**Enjoy!**

**Bx**

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><p><strong>3:54PM<strong>

What do you need it for this time? -MH

Why, I don't know what you mean brother dearest. -SH

My ID card that you so kindly "borrowed" from me. Is there another military base you need to break into? -MH

Oh no. -SH

Just wanted to get into MI6 headquarters. -SH

No biggie. -SH

Sherlock... -MH

Mm? -SH

Are you doing this simply to aggravate me? -MH

Wouldn't dream of it. -SH

**4:16PM**

Did you have to punch him? -MH

It was an unforeseen complication. -SH

Besides, he pulled a gun on me. -SH

After you hacked into their database. -MH

You do realise that if you had just asked I could've arranged those files for you in under a minute? -MH

I know. -SH

But where's the fun in that? -SH

It's not meant to be fun Sherlock, it's meant to not get you arrested. -MH

Again. -MH

Whatever. -SH

Are you ever going to stop being so very childish Sherlock? -MH

**4:21PM**

I need bail. -SH

Hurry up, I have a case. -SH

Oh, I'm sorry! Are you still in custody? -MH

You know bloody well I'm still in custody. Now let me out. -SH

I'm so sorry. It seems as though the paperwork was lost. -MH

Don't worry, you'll be out by tomorrow. -MH

Afternoon. -MH

Ish. -MH

This isn't funny Mycroft, I have a case. People could die! -SH

I called LeStrade. He said you're still trying to figure out what a horcrux is. -MH

It is still very important! -SH

Let. Me. Out. -SH

NOW! -SH

I'm afraid I can't do that. -MH

Have fun! -MH

YOU LET ME OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW MYCROFT! -SH

**4:29PM**

John, I need help. My brother refuses to post bail. Get me out. -SH

No. -JW

I'm sorry. What? -SH

I know I'll regret this later but I've spoken to Mycroft and it seemed to be the best thing for you. -JW

WHY? -SH

You need to cool down. You've angered at least three governments in the past month just because "You're bored." -JW

BUT I WAS! -SH

I know but we have also counted at least ten trained assassins following you. And that's not including Moriarty's. -JW

Goodbye Sherlock. -JW

I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS JOHN! -SH

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><p>John sighed as he read the latest text from the imprisoned sociopath. He would pay for this later.<p>

But for now...

He couldn't stop chuckling to himself as he threw away the various body parts in the fridge.

Life was good.

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><p><strong>Yay! Payback for Sherlock's occasional irritating behaviour.<strong>

**Mention to Secret Agent Codename Bob: I don't what I'd do without you... Maybe homework.**

**And to MadameGiry25: Sherlock was deliberately OOC because he didn't want to "have dinner" with Irene. Also, I focus more on making the stories funny than paying strict attention to their personality. So if it was, oh well.**

**Love you all, my dear readers.**

**Bx**


	5. Chapter 5

**7:57PM**

Sherlock, tell me you didn't...-GL

Didn't what LeStrade? -SH

FOR GOD'S SAKE! ANDERSON IS GOING TO KILL YOU! -GL

He'll get over it. Besides, he's not nearly intelligent enough to kill me. I've received hundreds of death threats. -SH

That is not something to be proud of! -GL

But that's not the point, just tell me why Sherlock. Please, let there be a good reason for it. -GL

I take it being bored doesn't count. -SH

No it does not. Try again. -GL

….. It was for a case? -SH

For which case would you NEED TO DYE ANDERSON'S HAIR PINK? -GL

What does it matter LeStrade? He barely had any hair to begin with. -SH

It matters because I have two very angry police officers in here trying to have you arrested! -GL

Look, talk to John and come up with an alibi, ok? I don't want to have to charge you again. -GL

Who cares, Mycroft will have them dropped anyway. -SH

I care because the last time I tried to arrest you, you ran off with a hostage and a gun. Plus, John punched the chief of police! -GL

Oh yeah, I remember. It was quite ingenious how I used the radio in the car to set off all your earpieces. -SH

Don't you dare feel proud of that. I can't even wear an earpiece anymore without wincing. -GL

Oh calm down, it wasn't that bad. -SH

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><p>On second thoughts, can we have back up sent to Baker Street? -GL<p>

I'll try, but nobody really wants to. We all remember what happened last time we tried to arrest the freak. -SD

Actually, lets double it. -GL

Probably wise sir. -SD

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><p>Sherlock, why is there police tape outside our flat? -JW<p>

There was a small misunderstanding with a box of hair dye. Nothing to worry about. -SH

I took two minutes to get milk, and this happens. -JW

I think it's a new record. -JW

That's what I was going for. -SH

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><p><strong>Jeez I'm sorry, I've been neglecting you, my dear readers. I'm so sorry.<strong>

**But I had exams and other fanfics and I just didn't have the time!**

**I'll try to update more reguarly, I promise.**

**This came from an idea by Larahna Steadyblade.**

**To stop me from being so selfish again, I think I need you to send me prompts. Anything that pops into your head, its just that mine has gone completely blank. If you could include characters you want to see too I would be eternally grateful.**

**Your most apologetic writer,**

**Bx  
><strong>


	6. An apology

To my dear, dear readers,

I have a confession to make to all of you:

I've given up on this fic. *ducks and hopes people won't throw too many shoes*

I know it's terrible, I know. I'm a terrible person. But you saw my last chapter! It was terrible! I was ashamed of it! I'm still ashamed of it! Though the prompt was helpful, I just lost my ability to write well. All of this is partly due to computers crashing and I've had quite a few hard months. ( SACB can attest to that) So try not to hate me too much, please.

In the future I may try and resurrect it, but for now, I won't be writing anymore of this.

To any who reviewed or appreciated or only glanced at this story, thank you. This was my first go at writing and all of your feedback has made it worthwhile.

However, do not despair! I may be leaving this fic, but I have another in the works so you have that to look forward to! Or to spit at if you hate my writing, I wouldn't be surprised, it's pretty bad :)

I'm thinking Sherlock and Calvin and Hobbes crossover, whaddya think? And if you don't know who Calvin and Hobbes are, look them up. You can thank me later.

Yours most humbly and apologeticly and remorsefully,

Bx

P.S. I'm sorry.


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